Traditional fathers have made a nice run of fatherhood, but their time is waning. There’s a new breed of father on the scene that deserves respect. I don’t mean to discredit the contribution of the former father archetypes whose head of household status was reinforced by earning the top income in the house. This type of monetary status garnered from climbing corporate ladder isn’t without merit; especially regarding African–American men who had to push through the stereotypes and stigmas within the structure of corporate America.
Yet in their drive to prove themselves in hostile work environments set up to devalue their worth, something became amiss – quite literally. The time and mental energy spent in overcoming the rat–racist pursuit of happiness and American dreams has taken many a man away from his children at home. It’s a bit of bittersweet irony because in their fervent attempts to provide for their families, such men may have ended up denying the same families an emotional, physical, and spiritual presence in their homes.
Carving Out Fatherless Time
Fathers who don’t carve
Out time for their daughters and
Sons are jive turkeys!
As such, said fathers have had their go at this head of the household title – it’s a new day. Make way for me and others like me who are more involved at home. Make way for the man who turns his back on chasing corporate America’s golden carrot for the sake of being present in the lives of his family. Make way (and respect) the man whose spouse may make more than him – he is neither a moocher nor is his wife a sugar momma. Make way for the masculinity it takes to make consistent contributions to the upraising/caretaking of his children, upkeep of the house, and preparation of day-to-day AND holiday meals (my mac and cheese is NOT to be trifled with)!
As I stand at the precipice of a potential increase in my responsibilities and more traditional career trajectory, I can’t help but look back at what I’ve endured since I left the world of engineering nine years ago to work in the lower-paying education field. I’ve endured and discerned judgment from my pastor, father–in–law, and other more traditional fathers within the Church who looked down and sideways at me for what must only have looked like a lack of motivation and drive in the traditional sense of titles and monetary increases. I’ve endured the paranoia/expectation I’ve had of such judgment for the extended time I’ve not held higher positions within my career field. I’ve endured the social pressures of making more money than my wife as a sign of my dominance (or lack thereof); a pressure which turns a blind eye to and downplays what I did to manage our house whilst my wife clocked longer workdays and higher paychecks.
Yet all in all, I’ve always maintained respect as the spiritual head of our household from my wife. And, interestingly enough, I’ve garnered the respect of other wives of corporate-minded husband, as well! I’ve received compliments directed at me and my wife when they see me comfortably handling my infant children in tasks that their husbands either handed off to them or simply ignored all together.
The mentality of these old-school husbands isn’t necessarily wrong; rather, it reflects where society and culture have grown from within the last fifty years. I can recall having a discussion with some of the older gentlemen in my church who admitted that they didn’t know how I and other men of today “do it.” “It” referring to working with today’s more independent and liberated woman who, if your manhood rests on the wrong affirmation, can easily mangle and emasculate the old-head definition of manhood:
Castrating the Old-Head of Household
An old-head approach
To manhood hangs low enough
To be cut off clean.
When my wife is able to go to weddings by herself or get her nails/eyebrows done without our kids tagging along to throw off the experience, she’s told me that other wives have marveled and wondered “Where are your babies?!!” When she’s able to travel internationally at the drop of a hat and bat of an eye and not worry about whether or not her children and home will still be alive and functional upon her return, she’s credited me for her ability to do so as her colleagues wonder who’s caring for her children as if she’s a single-mother without assistance at home.
Further still, she’s corrected some of the men at our church who saw her out in public by herself shortly after our second child was born stated, “So Reggie’s at home babysitting, huh?!!” Her response said it all: “No, he’s not babysitting, he’s being a father!” This isn’t some temporary job for me that I do from time to time to make a few extra bucks. This… is… my… ROLE.
Granted, I have much to refine and learn but I’m done with being looked upon as if I’m incomplete for not having more conventional contributions. So, let’s put an end to blackballing all the Mr. Moms out there. Make way – the new age of manhood has come. Make way for the era of Black, BALLIN’ Mr. Moms!
#Blackballing #MrMom #HeadOfTheHousehold #DadBody #BodyOfWork
